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Being a BT survivor....

By Tom
Sunday, May 7, 2017
There is a pro and a con, from being a survivor.

Pro: Everything is restarted from the very beginning again. Like literally from the first baby steps, to speaking your very first words again. Since I was physically paralyzed, and could not stand, eat, walk, or talk, I had to go through years of physical, occupational, and speech therapy. I don't know how this is a positive, but I am up walking, moving, eating, and talking now.

From being a survivor you also, start to realize who your true friends are. Yeah I was popular back then, I knew everyone and they all knew me. Now all has changed, just because I am a survivor now. All of them ignored me and never kept in touch anymore. I've learned to forget about them, and say that they were never really good friends to begin with anyways, for those who don't want to understand.

I have heard I am lucky to still be here, and that God has plans for me, but I'm still waiting for that fantastic something to happen.

The only other thing I can think of is, some of the people in this world feels sorry for us, and does gives us better attention to help us around, and I do get permanent handicapped placards, where I can park closer and sometimes do not have to pay for the full price.

Con: Oh do I have a lot to say about this...
First for most wherever you go, you will always get the strangest stare down, automatically thinking, that they are wondering what the heck is your problem?

I had Medulloblastoma at the age of 8. The side effects I got from this, is tremors and balance problems, which I was told will be for my entire life. I could no longer do some of my favorite activities anymore.

I loved playing sports like, kickball, badminton, basketball, baseball, etc... one my favorites was just riding my bike around the neighborhood, and I can't even do that anymore, or even drive a car to wherever I wanna go.

I told you earlier I was well pretty well known in school, I was an Honor Roll student and got along with all. I never got to go to a prom, dance nights, cruises, or reunions. Back then it was easy to say "Forget you"! Now I'm pretty much all alone here.

It took a whole 21 years.... till my hospital introduced me to Children's brain tumor foundation, which then I also found out this foundation was founded and started when I was first diagnosed. Thanks for all the time loss...

Years have gone by, talking about our lives, differences, friendships, and even about relationships. All CBTF members live in different states, or hours away from me, the only times I see them are during online chats, or when I go to to see them.

I have heard from a specific someone who always told me that, you do not need a special someone to live on. I have taken that statement within, and has lived years and years without, all alone. "All By Myself" and still questioning?

I've also loss hearing from left ear, thank to damn blood cell from bleeding, When people are talking to me in noisy crowded room, or whispering to my left side. They think I am ignoring them because, I don't respond.

Now feels trapped, lonely, emotionally, not really appreciated here, asking why, and questionable

There is so much more to this, but that would take forever..... Sometimes I think others do not know what we deal with, or how we feel, until they become like us. That may sound really bad, and I do not wish that ever to happen, but it is true like the saying " Not knowing until putting on their shoes" or something like that.

I do have really nice and non judgmental friends, that treats me like family down here. Now they all have a family of there own as well. As I get older and not any younger, you think more to the future. Will I ever have a special someone too? Will I ever have a date for New Years, or Valentines? Will I ever get my own wedding or better off will I even have my own family?

What do you think?

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